Chapter 038 – Emmy: Breaking Down


I am in a mountain where there’s no one else but me.

.

I heard what Katie-san wanted to talked about.

And after that, I… I don’t know how I did it but I left Katie-san as if nothing happened.

I don’t even understand what I said.

.

And when I was alone, I emotionlessly started writing a letter on a piece of paper.

The contents are the things I did. And, what I wanted to do in the future.

It was surprising even for me but I was able to write everything calmly like the door in my heart is fully locked and no emotion can come out.

I can’t even remember what I wrote specifically.

.

And the person I can entrust it with… Is nobody else but her.

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[Emmy…? what happened…?]

.

I found Jannet in the potion shop.

Jannet uses a lot of magic potions. It’s because she is currently handling our offensive and recovery magic. I seriously think that she’s pushing herself too much.

.

But, I can’t afford to think of something like that right now.

I silently gave Jannet the folded paper where I wrote.

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[Read this in a place where no one else can see.]

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The voice that came out from my mouth are so lacking of emotions that even I didn’t think it’s possible.

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[Hey, really, what’s happening…]

[Burn it after you read it. Though I believe you’ll eventually do it even without me telling you to.]

.

Really, I wonder who’s this person talking behind my mouth. Is this really me?

.

[He-hey…? Let’s calm down for a minute, please? Emmy is, right now….]

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…Not good. That’s not good.

Right now… It’s because I’m keeping on moving that’s why I can remain like this.

If I calm down… Probably… I’ll…

…That’s why.

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[Jannet.]

[Wa-wait!]

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I won’t look back anymore.

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[–Goodbye.]

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I put strength into my legs and jumped off on to the shop’s roof.

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[Emmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!]

.

…So Jannet can let her voice out like that too.

Good luck, my reclusive best friend.

.

I didn’t react to that voice and left the city moving along the roofs.

.

.

And here I am right now separated from the roads that connects the city to the village standing all alone in the middle of the mountains.

Weapons, shield, and money. Those are the only things I have in my hands.

.

It is said that some monsters go out and escape into the mountains when monsters inside the dungeon overflow especially those that are from new and unexplored dungeons.

They don’t usually appear on the roads but they can be spotted frequently in the mountains. That’s why it’s normal for people to avoid walking outside the roads.

.

I can’t hear anyone’s voice. Not even the sounds of insects.

Even the wind isn’t blowing. There’s not even something making a sound at all.

Ah.

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This is bad.

I feel nothing at all.

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–I’ll calm down at this rate.

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At the same time, large wolf-like beasts covered with black fur appeared in front of me.

It’s probably as tall as I am if it stood up.

I’m sure it’s a monster from a dungeon that overflowed.

There’s quite a lot of them.

.

It appeared just as I am thinking about it.

Right.

That’s just right.

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[—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA!]

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I took aim at the pack of wolves and I hold my sword as I jump right at them.

For the shield… I’ll just carry it and won’t use it.

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[AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!]

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I hold my sword in two hands and with a single slash, I cut the nearest monster from its spine.

I’m sure this power is included to the blessings and ability that I’ve been given as I level up with the class of [Holy Knight].

A power that can’t be obtained by any normal girl.

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[AAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAA–!]

.

It’s a power that Russell, the strongest swordsman among us, never obtained.

The monsters who I don’t know whether have emotions or not looked at me who came to face them all alone and attacked all at once. The wolves bit my newly washed clothes from yesterday along with my skin.

Without any thoughts of defending, I ignore the fangs getting into my skin and just kept on cutting the monsters that came in front of me.

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There might be pain.

Or maybe not.

I don’t really know.

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[AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!]

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I wanted to be a cute girl.

Back in the past, I innocently wanted to be a princess.

I wanted to be a princess for just one person.

That’s all I wanted.

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[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–!]

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When there are only two remaining monsters left, the sword soaked in blood fell from my hands.

I lowered my body and aimed at the mouth of the monster jumping with force towards me and put my two hands inside it.

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–It’s about the time when Russell is to be nine years old.

Russell is a child that cares for everyone the most among all of us and has this slightly matured feeling. He asked a favor to Fredrica-san.

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[I want to help with the cooking…]

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Fredrica-san can’t help but smile from such a cute favor and they started to cut the vegetables in the kitchen side by side.

Russell is still a clumsy and danger prone child back then. But when I remember looking at them, they seem to be not just a pair of parent and child and I can’t help but feel jealous.

Then, Russell suddenly dropped the knife while cutting the vegetables and put his trembling finger into his mouth.

.

[Maa! That’s bad!]

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Fredrica-san took Russell’s finger and blood is pouring out from it.

The moment I saw it, I can’t help but get really frightened.

Russell’s blood is pouring out.

What should we do if the bleeding don’t stop.

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I can’t help but laugh recalling how silly of a child I was but back then, I seriously thought that Russell would die if we just left it alone.

And then, I cried and cried behind Russell that it was so weird that I was more worried than the person himself.

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…No. What I said just now is a lie. That moment is still something I can’t laugh at.

If Russell’s finger right now got cut and starts to bleed, I feel scared, sad, and feel like crying like a child.

I seriously think that its my better to have my whole arm cut off rather than seeing Russell get even a scratch.

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–ah, I see.

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That’s why I became a [Holy Knight].

.

The world’s best defender. Befitting of the ranks of the best.

All of these for a single cause why the Goddess had given me this job. My deepest desire. ‘I don’t want Russell to get hurt’.

.

It’s obvious why Russell’s level did not go up. It’s because he was given a staff instead of a sword and had been prevented to go to the vanguard.

If I defeated the monster, then Russell will not get any harm.

That’s why, for Russell not to fight, for Russell to not get in the front lines, I agreed to push him as a rear guard.

.

It’s my fault that Russell’s level remained pretty low.

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The jaws of the monster in front of me is now torn apart.

Ah… So fragile.

I want it to get this body more beaten up….

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[…AAA…]

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It felt like my own dark emotions were let out with the screams I let out earlier and before I knew it, it was again dead silent.

As I fought the monsters on such a reckless manner, I did not notice a monster coming for me from behind and reacted a bit late.

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[a–]

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Is this supposed to be a flashback?

Russell’s nostalgic smile suddenly appeared.

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At that moment, I held and raised up my shield as it emitted a light and blew the monster far away.

The monster’s body got distorted by the impact as it shoots its way on to the trees.

It was a powerful force. More powerful than any attack I did with my own sword when fighting monsters.

.

And, I’ve seen the technique before.

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[A…aa…]

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I now understand everything.

And the things I have to do.

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[I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…]

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I… I had everything given to me.

To be able to stand along side with that boy normally and always keep him within my gaze.

To be able to get the best class to protect that boy from any harm.

To be able to get ultimate skill to protect the boy you love.

I… already received everything.

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[I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sor——……………..]

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I took a sword and used it as a chance to speak with Russell and now I have the strength that he can never have.

And ultimately, I did not let Russell’s level to go up.

And after obtaining the power that I would only dedicate to Russell… I ended up hurting him.

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Everything…

I received everything and destroyed it myself…

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I don’t have any right to blame Vince.

I don’t have any right to suspect Katie-san.

I don’t have any right to be called Jannet’s best friend.

I…

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[<Heal>]

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–I wonder why… I started to calm down all of a sudden.

I look at my shield and even though it is shining, it feels like something black is coming from it.

It seems like something inside me has changed…

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I don’t know why but… Now that I’ve calmed down, I now fully understand what I should do.

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I’ll apologize to Russell. Immediately.

Then, I’ll become Russell’s shield.

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I don’t have any right to love Russell anymore as a woman.

I’m fine with just talking to him and always be at his side.

.

I only wish for one thing.

To die serving as Russell’s shield.

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A small child with black hair suddenly appeared in my mind.

That small child nervously came up to me who is pathetically wailing.

Then, I got the feeling of the weight of something I used to love on my head.

It really was my favorite but I lost that tiara. And that boy found it for me and put it on my head.

And I remember the child saying this while I am still grumbling.

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[Emmy-chan is… Uhm… Cute… I think you can be… a princess…]

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I didn’t know whether to stop crying or try to stop my face from burning.

But that boy himself who said it had his face so red as if it’s competing with me.

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I suddenly remembered the most cherished memories I had forgotten—and my heart that should have closed all of its emotions started to crack and I had started to cry silently without me knowing.


Translator’s Notes:

  1. This is release 2/4 for the week!

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26 thoughts on “Chapter 038 – Emmy: Breaking Down

  1. Well then. Emmy is starting to grow as a person while admitting her own mistakes and trying to rectify them. As previously said if the [sage] or Emmy earn it I’ll refer to them by name and this chapter… Well i can’t say left or right on whether she’ll repeat her past mistakes or continue to grow, but it’s a start.

  2. hmm…
    so, she ended up using that “ultimate skill” during the spar with Russell?

    Now, i wonder what will happen to katie and Jannet?
    will they just leave the crew without informing?

    will vince and jannet tell katie the truth about Russell?

    Anw, thank for the translations.

    1. Seems likely for the [sage] to spill the beans. We don’t know yet what was written in the letter but i doubt it was something like a simple “I’m leaving to find russell, I’m sorry.” since she went as far as to ask the [sage] to read it away from people and then burn it. And when the rest of that group meets up it’s likely that either she will flat out say she left or deny having seem her. I can’t really hazard a guess till we know what she wrote in that letter.

    2. Also wow. That’s rather ironic. Facing Russell and her strong desire for him to not get hurt was the impetus for the subconscious activation of a skill that probably caused him to take the most damage he’s received so far.

  3. Thanks for the translation.
    The character development are nice. Its good to see Emmy realizing her mistakes, but I feel bad for Jannet.
    A POV from Jannet now will be nice

    1. Hmm…. Kinda harder to feel bad for the [sage] since so far all we know is she didn’t want Russell in the line of fire since he was weaker then the rest of them, but for a “scholarly type” to not have understood why he was so under leveled by comparison seems kind of off. Clearly she was watching him as much as Emmy or possibly more, so she should have had at least an idea about why the [hero](LOL) made the proposal to remove Russell from the party.

    2. True.

      I would love the read that after emmy’s.

      I really want to know why is someone as smart as her, continued and binded herself to vince’s party.

      It is weird that she stayed with him despite knowing what kinda creature vince are…

      1. It may have been something akin to not wanting to leave Emmy alone with him while also not forcing her into a position to have to choose between going with her or staying with the [hero](LOL). What’s more is even if her and Emmy decided to dip she would probably have a hard time admitting that giving Russell the boot was a misplay on their part since at the very least we can say that aside from human interactions she’s intelligent. And what goes hand in hand with high intelligence the most? Pride. We saw a glimpse of it already when the [mage] was added to the party. Instead of admitting to the new addition that they had a healer but booted them she interrupted when that was going to be mentioned and even when Emmy got bopped by that minotaur and heal wasn’t enough to cover the damage done she instead opted to pull double duty instead of acknowledging that they were going to need a healer despite the fact that she would be going through a good deal of money in mana pots. And that cost would just continue increasing as they dove deeper.

  4. I really can’t bring myself to feel for remmytard, more so after so many chapters along with Sybilla. Character growth is nice and all, but it’s still not enough to put a brain in the empty skull. That would also make remmytard more susceptible to concussions and reduce her value as a punching bag 🙂

    1. Emmy punching bag LOL. By the way I agree with you and I hope she stays in the friend zone forever , I don’t want her as a waifu.

    1. If there’s bonus chapters usually about 2 days after the previous was released. So in later today if there’s no delays.

    1. I find even flags with negative outcomes are usually more integral to a story proceeding then positive ones. So which do you define as unnecessary? Positive or negative flags?

      1. Hmm….. Often character’s deaths are a huge driving force in stories so i can’t rightly called even death flags as unnecessary. Even as trauma inducing as they are (school days), yandere flags also can serve as a key point in a story’s progression.

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